The Transformation of Kevin's Room
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He had just turned four years old when we moved into this house.
We had been living in a Redman mobile home while we built our house next door on the same 27 acres.
It sure made moving day a breeze. A couple fo trailer loads, much of it not even boxed up, and we had everything we wanted to take easily moved over to the new house in one day.
For the six months prior, the kids had grown to love their rooms as they played on the concrete floors and threw toys out the holes where windows would one day be.
But, even after setting up Kevin's bed in his nicely carpeted floor and putting all his toys in place, when the sun went down he still wanted to go home to go to bed.
Kevin, this is home now. This is where we live now.
He insisted on going next door to the mobile home to sleep on the couch we were leaving behind. I was too tired to argue. Later, I carried my beautiful blonde-haired boy home and tucked him into his own bed in his own room. After that, he was fine.
Growing Up
Years go by and Kevin grows taller. I'm 5'8" and he's now taller than me and he's not quite thirteen yet.
He's into go-carts and posters of girls in bikinis and model cars. The chalkboard that was once the place where he learned to write his name was now the place he made his 'want lists' and conversions for parts.
Iggy, his pet iguana, occupied the space above his TV with all his PlayStation games. It was, pure and simple, a boy's room.
In October 2003, the room grew eerily quiet. Iggy's shuffles in his cage were the only sounds coming from Kevin's room. My beautfiul blonde-haired boy no longer slept there. His long fingers no longer wrote words on that chalkboard.
My Kevin was gone.
Kevin died from injuries sustained in a go-cart accident. My heart and his room were now cold and hollow.
Cleaning Out Kevin's Room
Initially, in those first days after Kevin's death, it was easy to be in Kevin's room. I could feel so much of him still there. I could still smell him. Although it was cold, I could still feel his presence there. I found comfort in that. It was comforting to go through his things looking for things he'd written or drawn. But, I left all of his clothes intact, socks and underwear still neatly folded in his drawers. I left his bed made. Even Iggy remained. I simply closed the door to Kevin's room, opening it only to feed Iggy.
Eventually, I went through the clothing. Some I threw away, some I gave away, and some I packed away. Iggy eventually went on to live with Kevin's dad. He still has Iggy today.
The chalkboard still hung on the wall with Kevin's writing still on it. To erase it would mean erasing a piece of Kevin.
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The Change
I began talking to the man that is now my husband. He had never met Kevin. He only knew the mom and sister that hold such reverence for 'all things Kevin'.
My husband knew of my desire to write a book and he encouraged me to pursue that dream. For the first time in my life, I began to believe it was possible. I ran across a writer's kit that contained a book that changed how I thought about Kevin's room. The book is called "30 Steps to Becoming A Writer" by Scott Edelstein.
It talks about creating a space where you write. It's about creating an environment that you're comfortable in where thoughts and ideas can flow easily. Really, Kevin's room was the only space I could really use to be away from everything else. Once my husband moved in and we now had multiple computers, it was time to make the move.
I put in a desk and a chair and surrounded myself with the vision boards I had made. If you've seen the movie "The Secret" then you'll understand the importance of Vision Boards.
Writing in Kevin's Room
Once I began to visit Kevin's Room more often, I noticed a change in me. I found that I could express myself rather easily. I began working more on my book.
I discovered that the local junior college was holding a Creative Writing course and I opted to attend. It was there that I expressed my feelings to my instructor, that I had all of this lovely information written down, but was having trouble assembling it into a book that flowed well. She suggested that I might consider writing articles online. I had never considered that. As I began to do my research, I found Hub Pages. Within a couple of days, I joined and published my first hub.
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More Changes
My daughter, an interior decorator-in-training, loves redecorating her room. She has completely repainted and redecorated it twice in two years.
For the first time since we built the house, it made me want to paint Kevin's Room.
After looking through some of the interior decorating books I had purchased over the years for my daughter, I decided I wanted to try a faux finish. I purchased the materials and cleared out his room and took down the chalkboard. Kevin's dad now has it too.
I transformed Kevin's room from a lightning bolt blue boy's room, to a contemporary office. Check out these photos. I painted the entire room a creamy vanilla one Saturday and then sponged on a maize color on Sunday.
I have added dark accents such as a metal Texas star, dark brown curtains and black switchplates and electrical outlet covers. I did the entire 12 ft x 12 ft room in two days. It only took that long because the creamy vanilla coat needed to dry completely before adding on the sponged color.
Redecorating Kevin's room has changed the way I write, how I feel about myself and how much enjoyment I get out of being in that space.
I created a space where I can create.
Do I still call it Kevin's Room?
You betcha.
Some things never change no matter how many coats of paint you put on the walls.
Do you have a dedicated space for writing and/or creating?
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Thanks GT! I don't want you to miss any of them! You're a good friend! (hugs)
Great KCC, really great.
Thank you for sharing Kevin's room with us. I feel honored to know a little about your son, and his legacy -- beautiful.
Thank you Colebabie! Glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you Teresa. Thanks for allowing me to share a piece of us with you.
You did it, KCC!! Now you're making it even harder to accomplish the task I'm still on. I read it when you very first posted it, but I was at Chik-Fil-A supervising 30 6th graders serving customers. I can't post to hubs from my phone anymore. I couldn't wait to get home and tell you what a great job you did!
Yes, I did. Thank you, LM. Sometimes a little shove is all someone needs. (But, pushing me down in the mud was a bit over the top, but it washes off).
I didn't mean to, I promise. :-) At least it wasn't this Oklahoma Red Clay. This stuff doesn't wash out of anything!!
Thank goodness! Why were 30 6th graders serving food at Chik-fil-a?
Our 6th graders do a mission project every week. This was our week to serve at Chik-Fil-A. Don't worry, I declined on wearing the Cow suit. I think I got a standing ovation when I said "no".
Every week? Sounds like work! Where you serving next week?
Beautiful pic of your son....beautiful story. Thank you.
Thanks Tom. Kevin was quite photogenic at 4. Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
Next week??!? Are you kidding? I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow!
Actually, we're taking the kids skating next week. There's high probability I won't be attending that one. The floor show wouldn't be one that people asked for an encore for. But there would be alot of laughter.
How many conversations can we hold at one time? :-)
That was great, i know losing a loved one, sibling or child gives you all the reason in the world to want to write. Keep it up and what a great job you are dong in "kevins" room. You should put a signature "Inspired by Kevin " on the wall!
dori
Skating and I never quite got very acquainted. I tried it in high school and bruised parts of me that I didn't know existed. Once it was just me and my daughter living alone after my divorce, I thought it would be cool to try to take up inline skating. Bought me skates........yep.....still own them.........still look nice in the box. Someday....maybe.....by then my bones will be too brittle to skate though.
Evidently we're capable of holding a number of conversations at once, LM.
Thanks fortunerep! That's a good idea! I failed to mention that I have hung one of Kevin's paintings on one of the walls. It is one his art teacher had framed and presented to me at his funeral. It matches the room nicely.
I thought FortuneRep's idea was inspired!
Now in High School, skating was something my best friend and I did alot of. Her boyfriend's dad owned the rink, so we spent alot of time there. But finding muscles and bruising things I forgot about would be my thing today. I have a pair of in-lines, too. How many times have I worn them? Twice. I've apparently lost my sense of adventure.
I will pass on a piece of advice in case you are serious about eventually using them. Never ever ever attempt to walk a large dog (or two) while wearing them. You'll have all the neighbors' attention when you start waving your arms and screaming like a girl and look kinda funny when you completely lose it and fall to the ground being drug because you thought it would be safer to wrap the leash around your wrist several times, leaving most of your skin up and down your neighborhood. It hurts, too.
KCC, that was a very beautiful story and I really enjoyed it. I wish you the very best of luck with your book.
I'll keep that in mind, LM. So far, I've only ventured across my carpeted living room a couple of times. What I didn't realize is that they are designed to fit properly in a crouched position. Here I am trying to stand with perfect posture and the back of the skate (at the calf part) is digging into my calves. Someday...I will conquer them...but I'll leave a dog out of the mix.
Thanks D.Cortez! I still have the book in the works....but I actually was inspired to write a different one while working on this hub challenge. I think it might stand a better chance at being published.
Overcoming great personal loss can be an inhibitor or motivator. In my case I finished the novel I had started and outlined two more - now in progress. "Pain shared is pain halved; joy shared is joy doubled." I ran across this in the series 'Callahan's Crosstime Bar' by Spider Robinson and have taken it as a personal motto ever since.
So true, rongould! Thanks for sharing! I do need to finish the one I started and quickly get the second to pour out of me.
KCC, it is always a treat to stop by and read your true to life hubs. Wonderfully emotional read. 'Kevin's Room' would makes a valued addition to your Hubs. Thank you for sharing.
Well Am I dead Yet?, they say you should always write about what you know. I do find it pretty easy to write about life in my world. It's like I once told my husband about my vision boards. If someone took the time to look at them all, they'd know everything they need to know about me. I feel almost the same way about my hubs, except 80 hubs hasn't quite touched the surface of my world. I have had a full life, seen and done a lot. There are a lot more stories inside me. I just have to find the inspiration to release them.
As always, thanks for stopping by and commenting!
This was, OMIGOD, you made me all emotional and cry! I feel quite sad at the moment as my son is leaving home to go to university, but at least I'll get to see him again. That Eric Clapton song comes to mind, Tears in Heaven. Hugs to you my friend.
Thank you so much cindyvine! The finality of the death of a child can be overwhelming. It is quite a shock. I still stop sometimes and think "OMG, he's gone". It's particularly difficult right now. He would have been a senior graduating from high school. It's one of those milemarkers you look forward to in your child's life.
Thanks so much for your kind words and hugs.
I was crying too, especially at the beginning. A beautiful, moving piece. Being a mother, this really hit home. Thanks so much for sharing such a very personal story
Thank you alekhouse! I appreciate you taking the time to read it and commenting.
Yeah, my son has just finished his exams and we have his Graduation Dinner tomorrow night. God, if....jeez, can't think of it. KCC, I am so so so sorry for your loss. Seriously sorry.
Thank you again Cindy. My daughter and I have been debating whether or not to attend graduation. Part of us wants to, but we also know how difficult it will be. I just found out about 2 weeks ago that someone included Kevin's name in the signatures on the back of their senior t-shirts. It's comforting to know they haven't forgotten him even though it's been 5 1/2 years ago.
Thank you for sharing..It is always remarakable to me that a person can take something so awful and make it into a postive experience. This story is not just about a tragedy or a room but about your transformation!! I bet your writing career will just florish..
Thank you so much, Ms.Chievous (cute name)! It has taken years, but time does help. I do feel that I'm beginning to find the focus I need to work on improving my skills and dedication to producing something worthwhile.
I found this a very powerful and an emotional read also a very inspiring one. Thanks for sharing
Lovely pics, and wonderful, moving writing. I hope this wasn't too hard for you to write.
Thank you maggs!
Thank you LG!
I wrote this one in two stages. I think if I had written it all at once it would have been much harder, if that makes sense.
Years before Kevin died, I remember hearing a woman talk about losing her husband and how she kept everything like it was the day he died and how she would sit in his closet amongst his clothes so that she could smell them. I didn't quite understand it. It seemed like she was stuck and unable to move on. From the outside, it seems logical to expect someone to carry on. It's a different matter when you're the one in it. It isn't easy 'erasing' the traces of them. I remember it being hard to move into 2004 on New Year's Eve. 2003 was were Kevin was....I knew he would play no part in 2004. Sounds silly, but those things do cross your mind.
Thanks for allowing me to share.
What a touching story. Thank you for sharing it. You will always have such a special Angel watching over you, giving you strength. God Bless you and your daughter.Like Cindy, I needed a tissue afterwards. My son is the same age as your son is in that picture. Reading your story makes me realize I should always make an effort to appreciate the good things in my life and not dwell on the little things.
Thank you Janet! My daughter and I have always felt Kevin keeps a eye on us.
That's something I'm quick to tell anyone willing to listen......cherish what you have. Take lots of pictures, make lots of memories.....because one day......that MAY be all you have. Enjoy everyday. Tell everyone that means something to you that you love and/or care about them. I'm very thankful my last words to Kevin were "I love you" as he headed off to school.
So well written. So sad. But so beautiful that something came of his special space. Good that your life went on. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much, Whiskey Chick! I appreciate having the opportunity to share a little bit of Kevin with each of you.
Your creative hotspot - yes dear KCC - I'm sure Kevin will always keep an eye on you, especially in 'Kevin's Room'! <<Hugs>>
Thanks Shalini! It's a bit ironic that I used to sit with him and teach him to draw and paint. Now he sits with me and helps me write.
KCC, I don't have any words. Just wanted you to know I was here.
Awww...thanks Randy Behavior! I do appreciate you stopping by and commenting!
I'm glad you have found a place where you can write - but beyond that, a place where you can be with your son. This was both heartbreaking and full of light. Thanks for taking me into Kevin's room - a place in your heart.
Thanks Cris! He and I were extremely close and it's been tough not seeing him grow up, but we still have a relationship, albeit quite different than I had expected to have.
Thanks for stopping by Kevin's Room.
Wow, KCC. I don't know if you have written about Kevin on HubPages before, but this is the first I learned of it. I really feel for you. I can't imagine the difficulty of losing a child. Glad the room is such a positive influence now. I'm sure Keven would be proud, or perhaps, IS proud.
I've got a couple others about Kevin. One is called "Split Second-A Tribute to Kevin". Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
Hey, I know this had to be hard for you and I'm glad I found it. I am glad that you are moving forward but not leaving the boy behind as it were.
If you miss me come see me and others here my dear.
Glad to hear it.
Clearing out is hard - I helped my mother clear my Granny's house, and my other half clear his grandmother's flat in Tel Aviv, his grandparents' flat in Jerusalem, and his parents house in England, in the space of 2 years.
CC: Kevin is a part of everything I do.
I'm so glad you popped in CC! I do miss you! I'll certianly look you up on the link.
LG: That's a lot of clearing in 2 short years! I'm in the process of helping my mom clear out my dad's things. It is tough.
Thanks for stopping by!
Thanks for sharing, KCC. I can't imagine anything harder than losing a child, and I don't have any... not surprising that it took a while to get into Kevin's room and make it your own. And the things you say cross your mind aren't silly. Hugs.
Thank you so much Elena. Thank you for your support and hugs.
It was a wonderful experience for me to read this hub - 'cept I need to go find more kleenex!
I'll be back tho'
Thanks mythbuster! Sorry about the kleenex!
KCC Big Country,
I am indeed very glad to make your acquitance through your comments on "PICTURESQUE NIAGARA REGION". and decided to read your bio and came across your article on Kevin.
Kevin's picture was so very cute at age 4 with his blond hair, bright eyes and his beaming smile. The death of a loved one is really devastating to any family. I just lost a sister to cancer six months ago, but was comforted by the thought that her suffering stopped and the fact that she is resting in the arms of the Lord is very comforting. Take care of yourself. Move forward and that was what you did. That is good.
I can see why your score is so high because your writing just flows so smoothly from your pen effortlessly. You are simply gifted and meant to be a good author. Keep on writing. God bless.
Awwww, thank you so much Einron! Kevin was simply a delightful child and so very much missed. I'm sorry to hear about your sister, but you're right, the suffering is no more.
Thank you for your nice compliments on my writing!
Beautiful hub KC. The room is beautiful and I feel that Kevin would love that you create in the space that he lived in and spent so much time in. You are a blessing and thank you for sharing about Kevin.
Thank you very much Dorsi! I do think it's been transformed into something Kevin would be proud of.
goldentoad 2 years ago
KCC, I'm glad I didn't miss this one.